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I was aware of these stats when I became pregnant. I am a Black woman with a college degree, a data scientist to boot. But despite what the Awesome from russia with love shirt But I will love this data told me, I still hoped that my wealth and education could protect me. What else is it for? Knowledge is power. Money is supposed to be inoculating. I was not naive enough to believe that was fully true—even Oprah gets profiled trying to buy an expensive handbag—but the glory and grift of America is that if you work hard and make a lot of money, it can ease the burden of living. It can mitigate at least some forms of discrimination. If nothing else, it can give you the ability to afford things: a nice house, good schools, fancy doctors, a $1,700 bassinet that rocks your baby to sleep using smart technology. So even though I knew that when some people look at me, they don’t see my humanity, much less my degrees or my money—all they see is a Black person, someone less than—I still occasionally found myself guilty of buying into the line of thinking that money could protect me. One morning, early in my pregnancy, I sat in my car, listening to podcasts and scrolling through my phone, waiting for a library to open. I was in the leafy part of San Francisco, where all the homes had garages and bay views and professional landscaping. Fleetingly, I had the thought, should I be doing this? Black people sitting in cars in neighborhoods that are not their own is not generally considered best practice. And when an older white man peered through my car window and then tapped on the glass—with quite a lot more conviction than felt warranted in the situation—I thought yeah no, I definitely shouldn’t be doing this. I didn’t think that he was going to do something terrible, like call the cops or shoot me, necessarily, but I did expect that he would ask me to leave, or at least explain to him what I was doing. Instead, he gave me a thumbs up and a wobbly grin. “Nice car!” he declared.

Still, as soon as I became pregnant I sprang into action. It was the Awesome from russia with love shirt But I will love this first test of Black motherhood, navigating a healthcare system that wasn’t designed with me in mind. I knew the risks. I did the research. I did all the things. They said to do yoga. I did yoga. They said to eat organic, local, low sodium, high fiber. I did, I did, I did, I did. They said to get a doula; I got a Black doula. They said to be proactive, to advocate for myself, to ask questions. I asked questions. I made lists of questions, the subtext of which always seemed to be, Is this racist? Is this okay? I trained the full force of my financial, emotional, and intellectual resources on fighting 400 years of institutional racism, on fighting my fate.

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